A Woman's Pursuit...The American Dream
My life was the definition of the pursuit of the American Dream. How do I feel about it at 35, unemployed and living back with my parents? Has it changed? Do I have any regrets?-Cycle of Pics at the End
What is the American Dream Anyway?
****It's the Freedom to try, fail, and start over****
The Freedom to Try
I grew up in a small mountain town, before cellphones and Amazon delivery were a thing.
In high school, I worked as a cashier for a gas station/mechanical repair shop owned by my grandfather. He grew up on a farm in rural Iowa. He joined the Marine Corps and worked at our town's mine before taking out a loan and buying the shop. My grandpa was in the trenches of hard work, values, and disappointment.
It got drilled into my brain that I had to go to college to survive; it wasn't my family’s doing, but others around me. My dad was a plumber, and my mom was a housekeeper. I saw the toll their professions took on their bodies. What I wanted to do was become a hairdresser and own a salon but chose a degree instead.
My Choices
I didn't know how to get financial aid, but I understood how to work, and that is what I did. While attending college, I held down two jobs, worked seven days a week, and I clocked in at sixty hours. I felt it. My jobs consisted of washing dishes in the college cafeteria with criminals on work release, passing meds at a nursing home, pulling 16hr shifts, and cleaning hotel rooms. Layers of who I was were disappearing to the grind.
Never once did I take out a loan. I wrote checks to pay for my school, working minimum wage, saving, and saying no to the luxuries of life. Throughout the next decade I would also pay over 20K in medical expenses (after insurance) while working and saving.
Once I had my degree, I began the long, taxing journey of finding a professional position and poured my life into becoming successful, not fully understanding my definition of it.
During this time, my best friend who had dropped out of college and became a CNA, met her husband. He was a hairdresser, and I was concerned. How would this guy provide for my friend? I would later realize how silly this limited perspective was!
The Consequences
The grind of pursuing promotions, more money, and respect among my peers...I lost it. The professions I chose came with natural consequences and sacrifices. That was until I turned 28.
There I was 28, single, never having taken a vacation, and my best friend was buying her second home, with her hairdresser husband. She was becoming a stay-at-home mom, and her spouse was doing well cutting hair in his new shop.
What have I done? My life was unraveling. My soul had finally been crushed by the weight of my choices, the biggest mistake, losing my prayer life. I had gotten lost in my pursuit of what I thought I wanted. I had lost sight of what held me together, my faith. What mattered most took a backseat to the “American Dream.”
The Pivot
With prayer, my world began to pivot, and I chose to cultivate a life outside of work. Eventually, at 30 I would take my first vacation and many more. Life was good for Sierra. Then I quit the job I thought I needed, for a flexible part-time gig. It was a huge pay cut, a lot less stress, and I made it work. Eventually the position became full-time, and I no longer had to withdraw from my savings, to cover my expenses, which included my rent being increased by $400/month the same year.
Before the Fall
At the same time, I lost my second car in six months. The first vehicle was totaled by hail damage, and my insurance company bought it from me. I got another car with over 200 miles, replaced the tires and broken windshield. Two months later, the transmission blew in the middle of an intersection.
I had to have a colonoscopy as I had been unable to hold down food for almost a year. During the procedure I had a rare medical emergency from the anesthesia and ended up in the hospital. My brain began having difficulties for the next few months, and I faced various life-changing doctor visits with an expensive neurologist. I hid it well and after months of struggle and uncertainty, I was finally normal again.
Failing Well
During the same week my entire life began to erase, I had to let my apartment know if I would renew my lease or give the required 60 day notice.
Then, I got the notification from Human Resources on Microsoft Teams. The company gave me a generous two months’ notice and severance. My official end date would be the last day in my apartment.
Permission and Freedom to Start Over
I didn't cry because I lost my job but because I felt forced to move back to my small mountain town and live with my parents after over a decade of living on my own. Even though I had been itching to move, moving back home was not on my agenda.
Using my severance, I took the vacation I had planned before everything changed and enjoyed my hometown with new eyes.
With rejection emails piling up and the economy seeming to change course, the war of fear and faith began to take root. Is my life over? The answer was no. When I look back at my life and the lives of those around me, there isn't a singular path.
The Real American Dream
I began to understand the American Dream differently. What exactly does that phrase mean anyway? For me it means the permission to try.
You don't have to go to college, own a business, or even have a professional career. The American Dream is about having a choice to do anything and pivot. It doesn't mean that life will never get messy. It doesn't mean you will be rich, become a homeowner, and be successful. The American Dream is simply having the opportunity to respond to your environment, think outside the box, and change your mind.
I could have become a hairdresser and failed; my friend's husband was able to do what he loved. My grandpa came from a farm, the army, a mine, to owning a gas station. I went from the valleys and hills to the top of mountains and back down to where it all began.
The American Dream: The freedom to try, fail, and start over again.
